A letter to my son

Dear Son:

I have waited so long to share my life with you. It is important to me that I be all things to you, and for you. I do this out of love and do not regret or resent a thing. Among the many things I am for you....

• I am your personal shopper; I hand select your clothing.
• I am your serenader; I sing you to sleep and distract you when you're crying with silly songs.
• I am your entertainer; I play games with you and make sure you have the best toys.
  
• I am your educator; I read you poetry and explain the world to your wonderous eyes.
  
• I am your valet; I coordinate your outfits and make sure they are dye and fragrance free.
• I am your nurse; I measure your medication, and make sure you get enough but not too much; I monitor your temperature, intake, output, etc.
  
• I am your private chef; I make organic babyfood from select fresh produce and store it in the most BPA-free way I can.
• I am your chauffeur; I bring you to countless doctor appointments and stroll you in sunshine; I carry your 20 lb bulk in an awkward carseat and never leave you alone in the car.

But one thing I am not.

I am not your teething ring so please STOP BITING MY NIPPLES.

And while you're at it, stop popping my bra strap too.

A mother's rant....

Jonas just had his first medical procedure, a surgical repair for hypospadias. Hypospadias is a condition that occurs in approximately 1 in 125 boys. The penis develops in utero between 9 and 20 weeks. Sometimes, the development of the penis stops before its complete. The result is that the urethra opening is located on the underside of the penis rather than on the tip. In Jonas' case, the opening is in the distal area, right under the head. And rather than having a complete foreskin, he only has a partial foreskin on the top of the penis. Apparently, his penis head looks like a shovel instead of a nicely rounded head. It hasn't affected anything practical like his ability to urinate.

In this procedure, our pediatric urologist extended the urethra to the tip of the penis (it has previously been located just under the head) by pulling together skin. He then completed a circumcision of the partial foreskin. When I changed the first diaper, I was horrified at what seemed to be a barbaric butchery of my son's most sensitive and delicate area. I was stuck. I felt like a bad mother for exposing our son to this pain when his penis and urethra seemed to work just fine. But all the doctors we consulted (I asked 3) told us this was medically necessary, and he would be emotionally scarred for life if we didn't do this.

When I was in law school, I wrote a paper in an international human rights class about genital mutilation, specifically, female circumcision. Basically, certain African cultures believe that a girl's genital area should be surgically altered in order to fit within social and cultural norms. How is this different? Ed would be quick to remind me that our pediatrician mentioned potential fertility problems for Jonas as an adult if no repair were performed. But I don't really buy that. His urethra was just below the penis head. How could this significantly affect sperm from fertilizing an egg?

The whole event felt traumatic. I'm not sure it was the right decision. However, once he's healed, and I know everything will be okay, I will probably agree that it was the right decision. Right now though, I'm very torn.

Daddy Dressed Me Today

It's a cold, rainy day here in Kansas City, so when I asked Ed to dress Jonas, I thought I was being helpful by providing with the appropriate outfit. I didn't think it merited an explanation, but alas, I was wrong.

Here's how Jonas looked when Ed left for work:


Notice the front snaps. His shirt is splayed open like some 70's porn star. These snaps belong in the back, of course. This would be obvious to most people for many reasons. Like the tag inside. On the medallion on the back:


Rather than trying to undress and redress him completely, I tried snapping the front closed. Maybe that would work. Nope. This is what I got:

Hmmmm. Maybe a bit too 007. "My name is Vogt. Jonas Vogt."

Yes, I had to do it. I undressed and re-dressed him.

Toes anyone?

Within the past weeks, Jonas has discovered his feet. He seems continually frustrated by the fact that winter cold has hit the Midwest and we now keep his feet bundled up in socks. Would you believe that his feet actually smell? It's not strong, but I can tell that when he hits adolescence, look out world! He also seems to produce an amazing amount of ear wax. No matter how often I clean his ears, the next morning, there's more wax.

Okay, that's enough of the gross stuff.

On a lighter note, Jonas is now enjoying a few veggies with his rice cereal. So far, we've experimented with peas (not his favorite), sweet potatoes (oh yeah baby!) and squash (a lukewarm reception). He eats it warm or cold and doesn't seem the least bit finicky. I'm amazed at the volume of food he ingests, especially since he only poops about every 3 days (more gross stuff, sorry!). Ed is generally the solid food feeder, but I enjoy watching it. Jonas will grab the spoon and bring it to his mouth because Ed is not moving fast enough. In fact, he screams in impatience between bites. By the way he acts, you'd swear we were starving him. Ed has become quite proficient, and most of the food ends up in Jonas' mouth, with very little on the bib. However, there is plenty to wipe off of his face at the end of the meal - Jonas' face, that is.

Jonas has also started to grab at everything near him. If he's on your lap and you try to drink something, he will grab it. He's fast, and pretty accurate, so it's something to watch out for! He's grabbed the dog's chin hair, and tried to grab the cat, who is fortunately too short-haired to catch. I'm relieved that we have good-natured pets.

At a recent doctor visit (for a rash), we learned that the j-boy is now 15 1/2 pounds, and about 25 inches long. He rolls over very quickly from his stomach to his back, and we are no longer leaving him on the bed or sofa unattended. So far, there haven't been any accidents.

Lastly, Jonas is very close to sitting on his own. He can do it for about 5-10 seconds, but then sways to the side and often falls forward on his face. I'm sure my mother will be horrified to read this, but I feel like it's an unavoidable part of the learning curve. Jonas is a tough little dude, and so far the tears have been minimal. And Mom, there are no bruises, scratches, or red marks. No marks at all. None. See the picture above? He's fine. No marks! And I keep him close by when he tries this.

In any case, we can't wait until he can sit on his own, and even start crawling.

He is truly well on his way to making us more alert, diligent, and nervous parents, and we love every minute of it!

Croup

Okay, so the cold wasn't a cold. There was no runny nose or chest congestion. When Jonas developed a low-grade fever, I got out the Dr. Spock book. Yes, according to Dr. S, Jonas likely had croup.

I quickly learned that croup is a virus that babies catch which causes swelling below the voice box. It's a scary thing to hear. Their cough sound horrible - like a barking seal.

Because I didn't figure this out until 1:00 p.m. on a Saturday, and our pediatrician's office hours ended at noon, off we went to urgent care at the local children's hospital. We were quickly whisked in to an exam room, and within an hour, Jonas had downed a shot of Decadron to reduce the swelling. I'm relieved to report that it worked.

We have been using a cool mist humidifier and monitoring him closely. He really seems fine.

Lately, Jonas has been hanging out with me in the kitchen while I clean or make a meal. In this photo, he was helping me make coffee. Yesterday, he watched me make a cake. He seems especially entranced by anything going on in the sink.

He is gradually beginning to discover his feet, and actually using them to pick up objects or move them closer to his hands. However, he has yet to grab them with him hands, or put them in his mouth. He came close to doing that this morning though, so I know it's just a matter of time.

He is really into his toys now, and can play independently for 10-20 minutes at a time. He is super observant, and watches Ed and I constantly to see what we are doing. He loves to look at himself in the mirror too.

I'm not sure whether I've shared this before, but Jonas has hypospadias. Here's the online definition: an abnormal condition in males in which the urethra opens on the under surface of the penis. This apparently occurs in 1 out of 150 boys and is easily repaired.

We have scheduled him for surgery on 10/28 and have been informed that it is a 2 hour procedure. Keep your fingers crossed that Jonas stays healthy so the surgery won't have to be rescheduled!

Cereal!

I love this stuff all the way down to my toes
Originally uploaded by vogted

So much is happening in Jonas' life! Just in the last week, he popped a tooth and tried cereal. We still can't actually SEE the tooth, but we can feel it. It's on the lower left. He's trying to put everything in his mouth, and is mostly successful. His arm and hand movements are less spastic. He now rolls quite easily from back to stomach, but seems to have forgotten how to go the other way! When he gets to his stomach, he cries like the world will end. In fact, I just had to pause in blogging to go and pick him up. Turning him back onto his back is not enough to console him. He has to be held and cajoled back into comfort.

This morning, his cry sounds hoarse. He doesn't have a fever but seems to be coming down with a cold. He slept for an unusually long time last evening - a 4 hour nap from 4 - 8 p.m. We actually woke him up because I was worried. Plus, he had to watch the VP debate with us.

He is also starting to grab things and knock things over. While sitting on my lap during lunch with my mother, he turned my whole salad over, covering us both with lettuce and dressing. I even found a piece of lettuce in my underwear that night! Yes, I know - TMI. He loves to grab at my mouth and Ed's nose, and he's pulled some hair (including Buddy's beard) and earrings. I've pretty much stopped wearing jewelry most of the time, so hopefully this won't be a problem.

For more photos, check Jonas' flickr site at http://www.flickr.com/photos/vogted/sets/